RUSSIA 101

What does a person need to know about Russia that I failed to prepare for when I left? Let me enumerate:

1.) Expect a lot of bribery: This should be a breeze to the average Filipino because this country’s government and bureucracy practically patented a brand for bribery. Philippine politicians and police should feel right at home in Russia.
--Bribe the guards of the Russian embassy so you can submit your visa application before your 50th birthday, or before GMA resigns—whichever comes first
--Bribed the guards so you can receive your visa before you turn 50 or before GMA resigns.
--Bribe the guards…..ok, I think you get the idea.

2.) Bring your passport, visa, and resident permit all the time when you’re in RUssia. The Russian police (militsya) are everywhere and they can randomly choose anyone they see and ask for all three documents. If you can’t produce them, be ready to bribe the policeman 100-200rubles (200-400pesos) or be detained in jail where you have to pay a bigger fine. Sounds close to home?

3.) Learn Russian if you are going to Russia alone. Majority (around 98%) of RUssians, even the newly moneyed Moscovites, do not speak or understand English. If you want to survive and be able to buy products for yourself, you need to learn RUssian and be able to read their Cyrillic alphabet. I practically lived as a mute in my first 2 months there because I could barely speak to anybody.

4.) Be vigilant, don’t be stupid: Even if the Russian Government PR (public relations) machine claim until Siberia stops having -40C winters that news about racism and race-related harassments in Russia are exaggerated, do not easily believe these spin doctors. I personally experienced being physically assaulted by a group of Russian teenagers for absolutely no reason. These youth gangs are notorious in harassing, hurting, and sometimes killing foreigners, especially those who are non-whites—the darker skin your skin, the more dangerous for you.

5.) Washing machines are a luxury. Even in a country notorious for its freezing winters, it is mind boggling how RUssians often wash their clothes using their hands under negative temperature. I keep imagining frostbitten hands trying to wash a bunch of shirts. Washing machines are so sought-after amongst our group of foreigners. I could pull the hair of any of my friends who were lucky enough to get a flat with a washing machine. Sometimes, we would be so overwhelmed to see a revered washing machine, our eyes would practically tear up in awe.

6.) They do have summers. Yes, the temperature can rise high enough between late July to early August for you to wear shorts. During these short months, be ready to see a lot of skin on display in Russia—I mean A LOT. The summer is Siberia was very hot, but the air is dry, so the heavy feeling you experience in ASia due to the humidity is not a problem in Russia.

7.) Men will introduce themselves to you anywhere except the women’s bathroom. DO not immediately scream “harassment” when guys suddenly talk to you in the streets, ask for your number, walk alongside with you, or have a car with a bunch of men follow you while they ask for an introduction. I was so freaked out the first month when this happened, I would accent my “foreigness” (Ya nee gavaroo pa-Ruski: I do not speak Russian) as my excuse to ignore them.