Gomenasai, Mianhe, I'm Sorry.....I have to leave again

On paper, I finally landed a dream job. I work as a communications specialist for a development agency. I get to write about things that actually mean something in the greater scheme of things, meet a bunch of people all the time, work with the media but not within the media sector, and despite the NGO nature of my company, I still work in a service oriented organization (which is totally ideal for do-gooder but still capitalist-at-heart like me).

But silly ol' me is still getting cold feet. I still want to leave the country.

I feel like Julia Roberts in "Runaway Bride." No matter how great a deal falls on my lap, I easily get ansy and restless and feel so wired that I could flee any minute. What's wrong with me?

So what do I do? I leave.
No, I don't leave my job. I just started.
It's not my job, it's where I am.

I will leave the country for a few days. I need to de-pressurize myself from Manila, from the Philippines, from the politics, and all other social pains that are crowding my world here. I'm like that-- an addict. Everytime I start a new job, I will leave the country for a few days before immersing myself wholly in my job. I feel that my last days of freedom are those days outside the country, all by myself and just my thoughts, and anonymity (well, sort of).

I need to leave the Philippines soon, and not come back for a long time. Call it existential issues, wanderlust, burn-out, over-saturation of a culture and socio-political structure that have been increasily difficult to relate to as I grow older and more worldly....I need to leave home for a while.
It may be the only recourse to take for me to want to stay here once again.
Someday.